Mom, Shut Up Already!
How is it that someone can be in his or her forties and still hear the ‘echoes’ of mom: her warnings, her lessons (both healthy and unhealthy), her teaching by example, her everything.
My mother’s been dead since 1985. When do the echoes stop?
When I got my own apartment in my early twenties, I began to break down the echoes. I didn’t clean maniacally like my mother did. I always kept things neat, but never as clean as my mother taught me.
Over the years, other things eroded. Like when I began leaving my dishes in the sink until the next morning, God forbid.
Then, a few months ago, I broke one of the biggest taboos. Here it is:
After doing laundry, I no longer neatly stack my underwear (all facing in the same direction) and join my socks together in matching pairs.
It may not sound like much, but there it is. I just didn’t want to spend one more precious moment of my life doing something I didn’t really need to do. My drawer is a mess, and I’m good with it.
Tell me, those echoes from Mom — do they ever end?
A documentation of the carnage:
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:34 am
Eeek! A little more warning would be nice…
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:36 am
Rick: I thought I’d get a smart-aleck comment like yours. Now, is it the underwear that scares you, or the sheer disorder?!
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:44 am
Underwear facing the same direction? I thought you were a rebel without a cause until I read that.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:46 am
Jan: Let’s just say I’m a rebel with an anal-retentive streak.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:49 am
I don’t think the echoes ever end. Perhaps they just become gentler, milder and well-adjusted.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:51 am
Echoes are still loud and clear for me as we paint the kitchen a color that isn’t white.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:51 am
That’s how my sock/underwear drawer looks like.
August 3rd, 2007 at 10:56 am
Let me be brief …
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:26 am
LMAO!!!!!!! The echos may never stop, but at some point I think we just stop listening so much! *Good for you*!!!!!
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:32 am
Tamar, Busy Mom, Seamus: I am glad to know I am not the only one. It’s a lifelong thing?
Anvilcloud: Ha!
SilverNeurotic: Oh, good. I figured I can’t be the only one.
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:39 am
I still hear echoes of my father when it comes to shutting doors or leaving lights on or even leaving my shoes in the living room rather than taking them upstairs! Some things I think just stay with you forever and that’s why we all eventually end up “sounding” like our parents, too!
“Amanda, how many times have I told you … “!!
August 3rd, 2007 at 11:47 am
Umm . . . my drawer looks like that now. And I could confess to much, much worse than that. Unfortunately, I AM taking after my mother.
August 3rd, 2007 at 1:45 pm
Linda; OK, so it’s you, too. Phew.
Midlife: Ha!
August 3rd, 2007 at 1:57 pm
You are brave! My sock/underware drawer looks very similar only my has more in it and more and more I use less of what’s in there. Get my drift.
August 3rd, 2007 at 2:01 pm
Very funny. I was thinking about this the other day. Sometimes my socks and underwear never make it out the clothes basket. (Yes, you may gasp, but don’t tell my mom.)
August 3rd, 2007 at 2:24 pm
Don’t let your kids know this, they still need to tow the line.
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:12 pm
The mom echoes don’t have to change or go away at all. It’s pretty much the sounding board, the listener that needs to deal with them.
August 3rd, 2007 at 3:30 pm
Actually, my mom was a slob. The living room was the only romm ever to be neat and clean, sort of. The rest of the house was a mess. She didn’t care if my room was neat or not. So, just to mess with her I became a clean freak….or maye she messed with me…whatever. Her echos haunt me in a very different way; and my underware and sox drawers are messy just like yours.
August 3rd, 2007 at 4:01 pm
You still wear underwear?
LOL.
We’re still rebelling aren’t we? I just started wearing Victoria’s Secret a few years ago. It makes my daughters so mad! Sometimes I wear Body By Victoria around the house just to make them scream (with fear). The first time I went into one of their stores I asked for a push up bra size 40DD. They said they didn’t carry them. ‘Wait a minute’, I said. ‘You girls spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on implants and you don’t carry 40DD???’ They told me to try Fredericks of Hollywood (remember them?). I am happy to say Victoria finally carries the size. I, however, was just joking when I told them 40DD.
I rebel against everyone. No one is safe.
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:34 pm
I have you beat. I don’t even have a DRAWER. HA!
August 3rd, 2007 at 5:47 pm
Uh, Janet (inwestcliffe), do you mean you are going without underwear!?
Nessa: You and Les have something in common.
Larry: Do as I say, not as I do, maybe?
Therapydoc: Yeah, I know. Therapy. Always more therapy.
Rosemary: Rebelling by becoming a clean freak? Cool.
Boomie: You’re funny. I didn’t know that. 40DD. Ha!
August 3rd, 2007 at 6:33 pm
Hi Rhea:
I got your comment. Yes I’m a baby boomer who is retired. At 62, I may be the oldest person blogging. I’ve added your blog to the ones I will check regularly. I hope you will do the same with mine
August 4th, 2007 at 12:21 am
My underwear drawer looks worse than that!
When we first bought our house, for the first year I actually did spring and fall housecleaning because that’s what my mother always did. Now we just have a cleaning lady who comes every other week and that’s all we do. And we only wash the outside of our windows if some opportunity arises…like having the house painted and having to take off the storm windows. We had to get the cleaning lady because otherwise I let things, um, slide…too much.
August 4th, 2007 at 2:12 am
The echoes never die.
I worked with my dad for 14 years before he died so you can imagine how many times I hear his voice in my head every day of the week – my brother and I now work together and some mornings we sit and laugh and laugh at the memories and thats the way we remember him, not laughing at him, laughing with him.
Its no bad thing to be haunted by memories.
August 4th, 2007 at 10:27 am
Look at what a rebel you’ve become. Something tells me that your mom is looking down from the heavens and thinking, “Don’t make me come down there, young lady!”
August 4th, 2007 at 11:13 am
I’m so messy I can barely find the bedroom floor. My drawers are messy and overflowing. I can ignore the echoes of Mom, but I can’t get rid of the sweater I was wearing in high school when I get felt up by Kevin F.
See how blogging your own stuff can help you feel better about yourself?
August 4th, 2007 at 11:55 am
Nessa, I’m with you….
. I’m lucky if I get my clean underwear and socks out of the laundry basket – how I’d love a bit of that anal-cleaning-bug in my life.
August 4th, 2007 at 12:08 pm
Les: No drawer?
Kathy: Yay!
Maui: My mother always did fall and spring cleaning, too. Now I don’t know anyone who does that.
Gary: Thanks for sharing your experience with yer dad.
Lois Lane: She probably will. I been a bad girl.
Kelly: Thanks for exposing your vulnerabilities. I feel better already.
Midlife: Whew. I am a neatnik.
August 4th, 2007 at 6:20 pm
Now I see there are two midlife mommies commenting. I usually use Caps, as in Mid Mom, but maybe I’ll change my name over here. Any ideas? Crazy stressed out doing too much mom? Would that work
August 4th, 2007 at 8:10 pm
I haven’t been hearing those echoes as long as you have (6 years for Dad, 2 for Mom) but the voices are still there and I suspect they always will be. The big difference for me now is that I can ignore the or directives (“you really should buy an American car”) or dissapointments (“you’re getting divorced again?”) and just accept the good stuff (“just clean the spark plug and your lawn mower sill start right up”).
August 4th, 2007 at 8:30 pm
I think you are turning into a guy…
August 4th, 2007 at 11:53 pm
Those “echoes” become our “inheritance,” I guess.
It’s what you do with them that makes all the difference.
I liked this post — a lot!
August 5th, 2007 at 7:42 am
As the mother of two daughters (now in their early 20s), I’m counting on being the voice in their head.
August 5th, 2007 at 9:27 am
Oh, Midlife Mom. I didn’t realize there were 2 of you!
Bernie: I like your philosophy.
Mr. Fab: Yeah, I’m getting sloppy.
Pearl: They ARE an inheritance. Glad you liked this. Interesting comments here, too.
Mizmell: When you work to raise your kids well, then the echoes are a good thing.
August 5th, 2007 at 12:43 pm
My mother will always haunt me with guilt! Sighhhhhhhhhh
August 5th, 2007 at 7:30 pm
Oh, phew! I can relax then, huh? Mine never make it out of the laundry basket.
I don’t hear echoes of my Mom anymore…but my kids have wondered LOUDLY what happened to THEIR Mom and her used-to-be clean house.
Answer: They grew up and left home…no more jumping through hoops to stay ahead of the game/gang (5 kids, DH, and myself) so I just get a lil bit behind. I’m takin’ it easy these days and lovin’ it.
August 5th, 2007 at 8:47 pm
Oh I can SO relate to this post. I find it a much better use of my (self-limited) housekeeping time to spend it on keeping it tidy than religiously cleaning on a timetable. And I am living proof that dust does not kill.
I’m going to try to make your post one of my “shared items”, Rhea! First must get you into my Google Reader.
August 5th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
I really need to rethink my underwear folding strategy. I wonder how much time I’ve wasted in my life tri-folding them and sorting them according to color.
No more of that for me. I’m gonna let loose and throw them in the drawer to fend for themselves!
August 6th, 2007 at 7:16 am
Never. The echos NEVER end. *shudder*
August 6th, 2007 at 9:09 am
Kay: Ohhhhh.
Angela: It’s amazing when you can relax your standards.
Val: Me, too. Tidy wins over super-clean.
Laurie: Tri-fold! That’s like an engineering feat. You can let go, Laurie. If I can, you can.
Jazz: Jeez.
August 6th, 2007 at 9:49 am
You’re very brave! I’m still doing lots of things Mum’s way.
August 6th, 2007 at 9:54 am
I think Mom-isms will always be loud and clear… kinda like how they used to have eyes in the back of their heads…just one of life’s great mysteries
August 6th, 2007 at 8:50 pm
A wonderful post that really brought a smile to my face. Great photo too. Isn’t it interesting how some chores bring out an emotional reaction? Myself, I don’t mind doing the laundry or folding (to the astonishment of my wife’s friends sometimes) because I associate laundry with my first year away from home. That’s when I learned how to do laundry, age 18. It reminds me of freedom and independence!
Now dishes, that’s a different story. I think my mother hated doing them and her philosophy (unspoken) was, if I’m enslaved to these damned dishes then you kids will be too. IOW, we had to pitch in with the dishes chore. Well, I hate doing dishes to this day. I’m 46 and that’s a Mom-ism I can’t shake.
August 7th, 2007 at 9:17 am
Akel: Honestly, I still a lot of stuff her way, but I am chipping away at it.
Lois: Ha!
JohnMaine: Thanks for writing in. Glad you liked the pic. Artistic, huh? Funny how you associate laundry with a positive time in your life. Love it.
August 9th, 2007 at 8:50 am
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