Your Nest is Empty. Now What?
Did you know that parents whose kids are leaving home can be even more vulnerable to Empty Nest Syndrome if they are ’struggling with’ menopause, retirement or aging parents? According to a report on MSNBC.com, it’s true.
Empty Nest Syndrome can be difficult.
After having spent at least two decades as a parent, it is only reasonable to expect that this change will prove difficult. You might experience the following symptoms: sadness, fear in what your role in life is now, major adjustments in what you do each day, how you view yourself, and how your marriage functions.
Here are a few tips, from O, Oprah’s magazine:
- No matter how sad we feel, our goal is to make it easy for our children to go away…
- Find ways to fill the void. Go back to work, take classes, volunteer.
- Cultivate an adult relationship. Ask your teenager how he or she envisions your relationship with each other changing.
- Keep the lines of communication open. Establish a weekly check-in routine like e-mail updates every Sunday, or Saturday morning phone calls. (And let your child know they can call you whenever they need to.)
- Love your children enough to let them make their own mistakes. It’s okay if they struggle a bit in finding their way in the world.
September 4th, 2007 at 10:17 am
Smart advice from a woman who never raised children. I buy her magazine every month. My husband rolls his eyes, but he is smart enough to keep his mouth shut.
MJ
September 4th, 2007 at 10:57 am
Act fast…turn that room into a computer/office room, and/or build a wall and door at the top of the stairs so you can close off that area and not have to heat or cool it!
Hurry, you only have so much time before they drop out of school or get a divorce and want to come back!
Once you’ve allowed them to leave the nest, do the right thing, like a mother bird, and don’t let them come back except for short visits. You can also demand that they have grandchildren before a visit is necessary.
September 4th, 2007 at 11:05 am
MotherJones: Good to hear from you!
Mushy: Thanks for this excellent advice.
September 4th, 2007 at 12:12 pm
We give our children life, yet we do not own them. The most difficult thing we have to do in life is allow them to make their own mistakes.
I only had one child, a daughter and while I was busy being full-time carer for her dad who had Cancer, my mother died and my Elly went off to Scotland six weeks later for University. Within 18 months her dad, my husband died. The nest sure was a bleak empty place for a long time.
The cord is still attached and although we are 126 miles apart we are very close. Elly gets to live her own life while modern technology means we are in touch daily.
September 4th, 2007 at 12:32 pm
We are new emptynesters but for better or for worse do have each other and do not have our parents.
I do need to find a new job but it has to be a good fit.
I agree with Granny about how helpful modern technology can be.
My relationship with my kids seems to be working out fine.
I sure don’t miss the laundry.
More than anything, it’s the hot flashes that are killing me.
::fans herself::
September 4th, 2007 at 4:00 pm
We moved away! Started up a whole new life for ourselves.
September 4th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
We are empty nesters for our second September now and loving every minute of it. Both daughters are away but not that far, about 45 minutes in different directions and doing well on their own in school.
September 4th, 2007 at 8:25 pm
Don’t get me wrong, I love my kids but I am SO looking forward to an empty nest and not having to make sure I have food in the house, laundry done, etc. For once it would be nice to just worry about me. I know that sounds selfish but it’s true. I am looking forward to it.
September 4th, 2007 at 8:53 pm
G’day Rhea,
My kids are well trained. They know they have to live with me forever!
Keep smiling
David
PS – loved the pencil case post. I always used to have one – my pride and joy.
September 5th, 2007 at 7:55 am
We are halfway there (sort of), with our Kid1 as a sophomore at the U of Hartford. We will be facing this next year when HS Senior Kid2 goes to college. We will face it more for sure then. Communication is the key. Yesterday, Kid1 called Patti to note that she might get a job at the university’s library, and does 10 hours a week sound okay? We were happy for the unsolicited call from her…the takeaway here is that the lines of communication were open well before the nest started emptying.
September 5th, 2007 at 8:14 am
My sister’s children lost their mother when they were very young, so I see it as a blessing to get to live to the day when one’s children are ready to fly their coop. Live has its stages, The important thing never to forget is to cease the moment one’s living.
September 5th, 2007 at 8:33 am
I love hearing about everyone’s experiences. Sounds like everyone’s dealing well. Linda, I think it makes sense that you want a break! David, glad you liked the pencil post.
September 5th, 2007 at 8:39 am
Not officially an empty nester.
I’m looking forward to it but def. not rushing it.
In due time, in due time.
September 5th, 2007 at 8:59 am
We have had an empty nest for over 10 years now. The one thing I disagree with, is that you are suppose to let your children go…….go where? I allowed my children to be independent and make their own mistakes, but I was always right there to cheer them on and be involved with whatever was going on in their lives and still am. We have a very close relationship and spend a lot of time together. We really LIKE each other as well as love each other. My daughter and I are best friends. She is 33 and our son is fixing to turn 30. We had them at a very young age so there’s not a huge generation gap between us. They do keep us young, at heart, at least…..which seems to be a harder task for my husband than me. We take great pride, that our two successful offspring still enjoy our company as we do their’s.
September 5th, 2007 at 2:54 pm
We downgraded from a 4 bedroom house to a one bed/one bath home. Ahhhh! Hear that peace and quiet? Trouble arose every Thanksgiving and Xmas however, when the kids got tired of sleeping on the floor or on pull-outs! Hubby just started the 2 bedroom 1 more bath renovation on the upstairs today! We hope to get at least 1 bedroom done by Thanksgiving. Otherwise the kids won’t come and that’s not cool. it’s been 4 years already. I think they got the message.
September 6th, 2007 at 2:39 am
We’re on the verge of a half empty nest, we have one daughter poised on the edge flapping her wings, daring herself to fly…
…and yet she is just about to start a three year course at our local university so we resign ourselves to three more years of occupied bathrooms and door slamming arrivals back home at 3 in the morning after “just a few drinks with friends”, such is life with a student in the house.