Never Thought I’d Get a Thing Out of Life Coaching; I Was Wrong
Quite spontaneously I find myself being life-coached. I hired a man — a husband of a friend of mine — to help me think through some stuff. This whole thing is entirely out of character for me as I tend to think I know it all and don’t need anyone else’s advice. But guess what? I’m getting an amazing amount of good from this coaching situation. It’s been going on for about a month and I’m astounded at the results. Although it’s not psychotherapy, at least one coaching session made me cry. The emotion was about how I tend to focus on stuff I want to accomplish and not the people who are in my life.
I will let you in on a little secret: like a lot of people, I’ve been chasing a dream all my life. First, it was to get a novel published. Then, later in life, I switched it to getting one of my screenplays produced. I’m not delusional. I know my screenplays are worthy and have had a great deal of positive feedback from Hollywood folks — just no sale yet. The secret is, I would love to be able to forget about this nonsense and just live in the moment, and stop the ceaseless mantra in my head that goes: “When I get my screenplay produced, such and such will happen.” What say you?
December 10th, 2009 at 11:14 am
yep. sounds like therapy to me. ;~)
seriously, people who aren’t into it tend to think it’s all of the “lie back on the couch and tell me about your relationship with your mother” type of experience. The best psychotherapists I’ve ever had have been more focused on helping me make sense of what I’m doing (or not doing) in my life right now and how I can get to where I want to be.
“life-coach,” indeed!
~ hb33 ~
December 10th, 2009 at 11:39 am
The wonderful part about getting older is that you truly know these things will never happen and it becomes remarkably easy to live in the moment. I no longer want to be a famous photographer; I just take snapshots for my own pleasure. In fact, most of what I now do is for my own pleasure.
December 10th, 2009 at 2:53 pm
Ambition, however, is part of being your age, Rhea. Boomers have had to compete a lot harder than those of us who are now elderly. In a vast generalization, you are more ambitious than we were but have less chance of reaching your goals because so many others are reaching for the big prizes too.
My most ambitious period was from about age 45-55.
I have seen a return of creativity in myself and others of my age; we can relax about our goals in life, but that is because we have met so many of them. It’s too early for you to kick back, that’s what I think.
December 10th, 2009 at 3:30 pm
Hattie, I like your attitude: too early to kick back. I am still on the hunt. I may want to change, but I am still trying to score big.
December 10th, 2009 at 5:52 pm
I’ve generally found that when I quit worrying about things, that’s when the good stuff happens. Now, as for HOW to quit worrying about it, I can’t give you any concrete advice. I just usually stop caring about something after a while and that’s when the magic kicks in, for some reason.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:39 am
I think coaching is an amazing tool, as a person who coaches as well as has been coached. For people who want to live big lives, I think it’s a must. Totally different than therapy, which is about healing the past.
Good coaching helps you find the balance between working towards goals as we enjoy the journey to get there. There is nothing on the other side of having your play produced that is going to define who you are in a new way. That’s the whole purpose of retirementlifematters.com; to inspire baby boomers to have wonderful dreams, but also live in the moment.
I say continue to go for your dreams, cultivate all the resources you can to get you there, but don’t expect that you will arrive at the life you want to live after you’ve achieved your goal.
December 11th, 2009 at 9:55 am
It’s all about stepping outside of all those voices in your head and listening to your deeper self. That’s tough for most people to do on their own, although not impossible. The only way to move on with your life and get more of what YOU want, is to experiment with other perspectives.
I tried psychotherapy for a number of years in my thirties and I still feel like it was the best money I ever spent. I would not be the insightful, content person I am today without it! That’s why I went to Naropa in Boulder, CO and got a M.A. in Counseling Psychology. Therapy or short-term coaching does change lives and always for the better!
WHAT DO YOU WANT TO HAPPEN TODAY? ASK FOR EXACTLY WHAT YOU WANT. YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE. Laura Lee aka Midlife Crisis Queen
December 11th, 2009 at 1:22 pm
Rhea–
How wonderful to hear about your experience with life coaching. As a life coach myself and someone who’s also been coached (I have a coach to this day), it’s inspiring to hear about the process from the client perspective.
The major difference between therapy and coaching is that the former helps you move through your past and heal and the latter takes you where you are now to what you really want to be, do or have in your life. A coach helps you blast through the fears, uncertainties and other roadblocks that get in the way.
As you know by now, coaches ask a lot of questions. So my question for you is do you really have to give up on a dream? For instance, I’ve always wanted to be an author but always seemed stuck in whether to write the historical fiction book that’s been locked up inside me for years or something non-fiction for 50-somethings.
With my coach’s support, I just finished my non-fiction book last month. It will go to print next week -50 Ways To Have An Amazing Life After 50 based on wisdom from my grandmother who was an expert on the topic – she lived a vibrant life until 97 years old.
I never thought I could write my book but I had a dream that I didn’t want to let go of. Now that I know I can get a book out of my head and out of my heart, you think I can do it again? Heck yeah!
Don’t give up on your dream especially now!!! But instead of focusing on the “when” or the “how” of your screenplay, replace that with the faith and belief that one day you will be holding that letter in your hand from a Hollywood producer who realizes that your screenplay is a “must-do”!!
And while you’re doing that, I’m manifesting standing in line holding my ticket, waiting to see your screenplay translated to the big screen. My last question – popcorn or not?
December 11th, 2009 at 6:25 pm
Gnawing discontent is a great incentive to accomplish things! Don’t lose your edge, Rhea!!!
December 11th, 2009 at 6:30 pm
Tough question. Here’s my sitting on the fence answer. Don’t give up on the dream – keep writing. But don’t wait for that sale to find the good stuff. Suldog is right. I have found that the best things happened when I wasn’t looking for them.